So, in addition to all the mental health issues, I have a few physical ones too.

For about the past 20 years, I’ve had constant, almost non-stop, pain. Varying between simply aching to crippling agony.

I’ve suffered headaches longer than most of the rest of it – apparently not migraines according to one doctor, but just as crushingly, blindingly painful. Pain in my eyes, temples, whole skull – never-ending and pills frequently don’t have an effect until I verge on overdose.

I also suffer the same levels of joint and back pain – some self-inflicted from 25 years of sitting at computer screens, typing and using a computer mouse. These are not at all good for your skeleton, never mind whether you get ergonomically designed kit or furniture. Let me tell you, RSI is a bitch. Avoid it at all costs.

Every joint in my body is sore to varying extents – constant neck and lower back pain, aching hips causing numb thighs, stiff fingers, knees, the lot.

However, the most annoying thing is that, after checks, X-rays, tests and chats to doctors…no-one can ever find any evidence of a problem.

So here I am, still asking for tests, chucking down pain killers and anti-inflammatory pills like sweets and still in pain.

Now, I don’t want you to think that these two posts are calls for sympathy. Oh no! All I’m doing is explaining why I am who and what I am. So, take it or leave it. Your choice. Nothing you say or do will change anything about it unless you’re some Harley Street surgeon who can save me the further years of pain.

So, there you have me. Feel free to leave comments but anything rude or offensive will be removed.

Posted by Wordmobi

Well, my name (more of an initial really) is G. I’m a photographer and I live and work mainly in Central Scotland. I get to photograph some amazingly beautiful, interesting and cool ladies and I can’t imagine a better or more enjoyable job to do.

However, for a long time, I’ve had a few issues and they’re the main thing this post will be about…an explanation of my body and mind.

So, I suffer from a condition called Social Phobia, aka Social Anxiety Disorder. What this means is that any situation where other people are involved – from a party to a simple wander round the supermarket – are a total nightmare for me. I get very stressed, paranoid, agitated and irritated to the point of frequently shaking and sweating. In fact, if it wasn’t for my MP3 player and headphones, I would probably go on a rampage or run screaming from the situation.

Obviously public speaking, performing or team activity is out of the question for me. But I have to interact with people as a photograper – models, makeup artists, chaperones, etc. – and I have to make a strong, concerted effort in those situations not to become a stressed out gibbering wreck.

It has become worse over the past few years. I always used to be told I was just shy and the best way to get over it was to confront it and just get on with it – what is known as the “Snap out of it!” suggestion – but that just made it harder and harder to cope. It has got to the point where I rarely go out, never to parties or other gatherings. The only places that I feel safe and comfortable are in my car and my flat – with the windows closed and doors locked, keeping the outside world, and other people, at bay. I have to make a conscious and major effort to go into the outside world and sometimes I just don’t manage it.

It even contributed in a very large part to the end of my marriage – my ex-wife is a very friendly, gregarious person. She loved going out with friends, visiting parks, simply being in the outside. However, for me that was a nightmare. I’d get depressed, angry, agitated and it was directed at her because she wanted me to do things that I just couldn’t face. At the time, neither of us realised that there was a mental illness involved as I hadn’t been diagnosed then.

When I went to college to learn photography properly a few years ago – I had to drive every day because I couldn’t cope with all the other people on the train. I managed to get through a 1 year NQ course because I was totally focussed on what I was learning.

However, I then tried to do a 2 year HND course – this was much more stressful. Constant scrutiny from tutors and lecturers, standing in front of the class for presentations, everything that panics and stresses me. As a result I missed a lot of classes and dropped out before the end of the first year – the noise, closeness and constant contact with so many other people was just too much.

As a further symptom of this condition, I suffer bouts of depression from the constant solitude and stress. So, my remedy for this has been to compulsively eat or spend. As a result, I’m almost 40kg overweight and was declared bankrupt a few years ago after amassing quite a substantial debt in loans and on credit cards.

Financially, my life is getting back on track. I now have no debts to anyone but my family for rescuing me and helping me so much. If not for my parents…well, I don’t know where I’d be now.

Physically, I’m finally making an effort to sort that out too. I’ve joined a gym – one of Duncan Bannatyne’s health clubs – and I’m trying to go every day, though sometimes I don’t make it. Because of the proximity of so many people in the changing rooms or gym, I get stressed and can feel the panic starting to rise, before I even leave home to go there or sometimes sitting in the car outside the gym preparing to go in. But I still try and more often than not, I manage. Although yet again, if not for my headphones and MP3 player, I probably wouldn’t even get out of bed, never mind go for a workout.

So, I think that’ll do for now. That’s part one of this post…what’s going on in my brain. I have a few body issues too, but I’ll leave them for another time.

However, in the past this has meant one post every 47 years…not great reading then.

So, this time, I’ll update from my phone whenever I feel like it and hopefully I’ll do better.

If I take too long between updates, feel free to drop me a line and remind me and I’ll try to oblige.

So…that’s it. On with the show.